Choices.
That word can cause more
fear and havoc in my heart than most words that are far more sharp and biting.
Life is long, but short. Life is structured, scheduled, yet so messy. Life is
confusing. Life is what we are given. Life is a gift. A privilege. Life is
terrifying.
People come up to me
with questions all the time. Asking me about what choices I will make. What I
will do. They are watching, waiting. I am sort of an unusual person. Rare, I
suppose. Sometimes I can put my finger on why exactly I am like this and then
other days I'm clueless. I can't see me from outside of myself to tell anyone
what makes me so...unusual.
It was all God's doing,
really. Even when I was a really young child I can remember His voice speaking
into my heart. He was always in everything. In my family, my friends, church,
in my schooling, at the dinner table, in my dreams...all the corners of my
soul. Almost like He had gone through and stamped "mine" all
throughout my heart and soul. I am so fortunate that He did.
Because of that, I was
never able to pretend. I could not be or do what I didn't feel was right. I can
understand exactly how Atticus Finch felt about doing the Tom Robinson trial.
It was a matter of conscience, going down to the very core of who he was. The
very idea of being false in any way is detestable. I never wanted to be that
way either. I wanted to always be true. That God would be proud of what I am
made of.
Truth. What do we really
do to pursue truth? How do we live it out day-to-day? Is there a formula for
it. As far as I can see, it is the same as anything else you pursue. You put
effort into it. Like building muscles. You deny your body what will hinder it
and you work to build your muscles to their potential.
Same thing applies with
pursuing truth. We get so absorbed in the media, it's disgusting. What are the
movies and songs and blogs and YouTube videos all about these days? Just about
everything God-less. It draws our hearts away from him. Imposes false theories
and ideals where real ones were supposed to grow and thrive. It makes us
fake.
Turn around. Turn it
off. Stop.
That is what I tell
myself. But really, that is not the solution. The solution is to pursue truth.
Life. GOD. Then those sources of false-ness won't be turned on in the first
place. You'll be too busy finding life. REAL life.
Let the cake rot. Eat
the good stuff instead. Let God fill you and all the rest will fall cold and
dead.
And you will be more
alive than you ever were before. :)
