This is life. A crazy, wild growing experience.
I am getting married in 12 days. That's right...12.
My mother is fighting breast cancer. She had a mastectomy the end of January.
We are heartbroken. We are happy. We are spending everyday, as a family, crying on each other's shoulders, laughing with each other, and learning to trust God. To have faith to please God, peace to tackle each day, to BELIEVE God. Because God is good. He is ALWAYS good. No matter what is going on.
Mom is amazing. She has her eyes on God and is wanting Him to be glorified through her life. Her surgery went really well and she has what the doctors call "incredible tissue." We are blessed.
I have some of the best friends and bridesmaids in the universe and a family that could not be more supportive. So blessed.
So why, I often ask myself, do I make myself feel so insecure? Why is life so intimidating to me? I have talents and education to handle so much more than I give myself credit for, and yet I feel like I never measure up. I think so many people find themselves in that place. Not really sure how they feel about themselves and their abilities. I have a lot of respect for people who step outside of that insecurity and do something that stretches their character.
Be honest, we all have dreams. Or at least, we all have had dreams at one time or another. When is it okay to give up on them and what does that do to our spirit? I am no psychologist and I have no desire to be. But, maybe we need to put a little more energy into doing and a lot less sitting around looking at everyone else's facebook page thinking we will never be....successful.
Our culture paints itself as an advocate to individuality. "Be YOU. It's all good!" However, I think the media, in particular, does the opposite. While seemingly encouraging individuality, the media depicts a very specific picture of success and beauty and "acceptable" behavior. We allow ourselves to be compared to and also defined by the pictures that the media presents to us.
Why?
Look back through history at the people who made bold steps towards things we don't even understand anymore. Esther rescued an entire race of people from slaughter through her actions. Joseph was able to keep more than a nation of people from starvation and famine. The pilgrims struggled through every kind of hardship to settle on a new land for the promise of religious freedom. These people were not celebrities or fame-seekers. They were a kind of breed that no one even honors anymore: the faithful.
Lady Gaga wore a meat dress to show her support of gay marriage. Wow. What an amazing accomplishment! But, hey, it made the news. This is disturbing to me, especially with my core beliefs being based on the Bible. What are our priorities? It's all about love, right? Do we even know what love is anymore?
We will defend our rights to be actively involved in mass genocide (abortion of unborn human beings) but many people get upset if you say that homosexuality is an abomination. (Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:24-27) Which is more hateful from your perspective? Killing an innocent life at its beginning or finding the action of homosexuality disgusting? Hmmmm. Is the freedom to be stuck in sin and disease really any kind of freedom at all?
But, God has said this is what the world will come to. And even though it hurts my heart to see it, compassion is the only answer. Because love covers a multitude of wrongs, including my own. Love changes lives. And that has been my dream for as long as I can remember. Changed lives. There's really nothing that is much more beautiful than that. Stand on the truth, but don't forget love.
I have a lot of growing to do.
