Ever have one of those times where you feel like everything is breaking down, blowing up, and failing but you realize that you are getting through it somehow? It is almost so overwhelming that you have to pick and choose what you feel and don't feel. And, it is a growing process also. LIFE is a growing process, I'm convinced that it never stops. We are always being tried and tested and having our character picked at and pulled and stretched and...well you get the picture.
I can't help but think that something knocked over the box of all my fears and they have all come flooding onto me at once, and I sit still and just look amazed at this mess of fears and wonder what to do with it all. You can't always control what you feel, but how you react to that feeling is absolutely up to you. It can be almost an onslaught of emotion that you don't know how to deal with. But you still have a choice.
I don't like not being able to physically fix a problem. I always feel a responsibility to fix it. Recently my car has been going through some insane epidemic where it is DETERMINED to leak antifreeze, one way or another. And I hate feeling like I can't fix it. But the truth is, I can't.
And it is not just my car that is bubbling with problems, it is like every area of my life is getting hit with issues. It's messy. First instinct=fix the problems! And the more I try, the more I realize that I can't. I just can't. And that's ok. My way of fixing things is not God's way. It's like duct taping a shelf together instead of using nails. Crappy.
We look at ourselves when we are young and just imagine what our lives will be like when we "grow up". Now, I don't know about yours, but all my childhood dreams about the future involved the idea that life was somehow going to be perfect. Like a fairy tale. And here I am, 20 years old, sipping my mocha iced coffee and writing about all these problems I can't fix. 10-year-old Bethany would have been appalled. But the truth is, sometimes we have to have struggles in our life so that the flaws in our thinking can be exposed. God calls us to renew our minds. (Romans 12:2 --"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will.") I don't know what He has planned for my life, but I do know that He is God. I can trust Him.
Be encouraged in your heart, because God is not blind or deaf. He knows what is going on in your life, in your heart. And He will be there with you through whatever you may face. Believe Him. Seek Him. Love Him. And watch His hand move in your life. :]
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